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…עִם-לָבָן גַּרְתִּי…וַיְהִי-לִי שׁוֹר וַחֲמוֹר, צֹאן וְעֶבֶד וְשִׁפְחָה… (בְּרֵאשִׁית לב:ה-ו)

…I have dwelled with Laban…And I have oxen, and donkeys and flocks, and men-servants and maid-servants…(Bereishis 32:5-6)

Rashi comments that Yaakov said “I have oxen, donkeys…” to show Esav that the brochos that their father Yitzchak gave to Yaakov have not been fulfilled. As Yitzchak’s brocho was to “…have from the dew of the heavens and the fatness of the earth” but instead of acquiring these things, I have acquired mobile objects such as oxen and donkeys.

We might wonder about today’s situation, with all the amazing Torah learning going on, and thousands upon thousands of Jews performing mitzvos—with some even doing the mitzvohs “flawlessly”, nevertheless our lives are still riddled with difficulties, and we don’t see a fulfillment of Yitzchak’s brochos?

The simple understanding of Yaakov’s response, is that Yaakov was saying to Esav “Don’t be jealous of the brochos our father gave me because they didn’t work.” The problem with this simple understanding is that it seems as if Yaakov doesn’t believe in the efficacy of his father’s brochos.

One could explain this difficulty by saying that Yaakov did believe that Yitchak’s brochos were powerful and should deliver results, but Yaakov felt, that he was undeserving of the brochos’ fulfillment because he did not do his half of the deal to be shomer Torah and mitzvos properly

But that can’t be, as Rashi tells us that when Yaakov said ״גרתי״ (meaning “I lived {with Lavan}”), he was implying that he fulfilled all 613 mitzvos since the gematria of this word is 613—the same as the number of mitzvos.

So we are back to the original difficulty: Yaakov is saying to Esav “Don’t be jealous of the brochos our father gave me, because they were not potent enough for they were not effective on me.”

We understand that Yaakov would say this to his brother to calm him down. But did Yaakov actually believe that his own father’s brochos were ineffective?

Many rishonim answer that it is possible for Yaakov to believe that the brochos were completely effective, but one slight infraction could change Yaakov from being a fitting recipient of the brochos, to one who is undeserving and blocked from receiving the brochos.

As Chanukah approaches, we marvel at the miracle that happened long ago to the few who overcame the many. They succeeded because they overextended themselves to make a Kiddush Hashem, even though they knew they were not guaranteed success. They knew then what Rashi tells us now (Vayikra 22:32) “…whoever surrenders himself on condition of the miracle, will not have the miracle performed for him,” and because of this they were blessed with success.

As for us, when we think we are moser nefesh and make all kinds of sacrifices (one guy gets rid of his iPhone, another makes sure to be early for Shacharis every day, and another vows not to look at or listen to questionable material), and we imagine that a windfall of brocho should be showered upon us. When that doesn’t happen, perhaps we can look to Yaakov for an answer: Yaakov Avinu, who was tested in the house of Lavan, and was able to exclaim that he kept all the Torah and its Mitzvohs, yet he did not even consider it a question of why the brochos he received from his holy father were not fulfilled. While he was in general a tzaddik who was fitting to receive the brochos, he realized that perhaps a small sin prevented him from receiving them (see Even Ha’ezer).

Yes, the picture to us is unclear. May we merit through the “Light of Chanukah” (the “light” of serving Hashem without an agenda) to have a clearer picture of what we are supposed to do as we try to move forward in our service of Hashem, and see that our avoda is accepted by Hashem.